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I need your advice.
December 15, 2018, 9:10pm

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Motion And Heart Forum    :::: Got A Problem? ::::    :::: Agony Aunts & Uncles ::::  ›  I need your advice. Moderators: MaXiNe, corky100
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MJB
November 9, 2005, 7:38am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Curly


Maxine what do you mean by 'show him raw emotion on a public forum'?






The way you have opened your heart on here to us (a bunch of strangers) and being totally emotive and explaining how bad you're feeling may make him think, and wonder why you have gone so publicly with your feelings/thoughts and not "involving" him - so to speak...

Does that make sense??   Probably not, knowing me, but I know exactly what I mean!  


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Curly
November 9, 2005, 3:51pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Hi Guys,

I'm feeling a bit better today, I've been so blue the last few days. Thanks for your help!

Neil the problem is that i did always used to follow my heart and then i realised that people just took advantage of me. I love my family and firends and would put myself out for them without question. They woudln't do the same back though. I've not phoned my siblings for months now because it's always me that phones them, and you guessed it they've not rung me. Oh yeah! One of them did, by mistake! Every time they've snapped their fingers i would go running, i hate to see people upset but they just use me and i've got sick of it. I hate ruling with my head but i think i have to because i'm the only one that gets hurt and upset if i dont. Not that i'm much happier but they have to see i'm no idiot. I've been burnt before by all of them.

Maxine, my husband does'nt know that i write in to here. He's away this week and i'm really enjoying it. I have no pressure and no-one doing my head in. Even though physically i'm running around more with the kids, i think that's why i feel better today, i'm getting used to him not being around. Shame he'll be back friday night. Do you think i should show him? I'm not sure that it will make much difference. I've actually am a very 'straight to the point person' with him. I've told him to his face that he makes me so miserable and that he hurts me everyday. I even took an overdose once (obviously it didn't work) and he went to sleep, never to be discussed by him! This was before the kids and i wouldn't do it now. So when i recently threatend to do it again, he just ignored it. I wasn't going to do it, i just wanted to show him how desperatly unhappy i am. I showed him all the pills and the glass of water and went off the bed. He didn't follow. He is so shut off from real emotion. I dont understand it. I know men dont tune in to things well but he's just so cold.

Thanks for understanding, both of you. You 2 have listerned to me more than everyone put together my whole life. I will get through this, i just need to figure out how, that's the hard part. I'm just fresh out of ideas.

Curly.


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NeilT
November 9, 2005, 7:29pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Can you get your self away on Friday, before he come back?? just stay with some friends for the weekend, so when he gets home you on there??, bit of a shock tactic, but may need to be done?


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Curly
November 9, 2005, 8:07pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Hi NeilT,

Good idea, but he'll know i haven't left him. I can see what you mean though. The only thing is that my son's got something on friday after school and we've got plans for saturday night aswell. I haven't really got anywhere to turn to. I do sometimes stay at my parent's house but it's complicated with them. They understand that he's distant from us but that wouldn't be a good reason to leave him. He doesn't hit me or the kids. He brings the money home etc etc. He also acts different around them and they haven't seen him 'all', if you know what i mean. I wish i could leave him for a few weeks but i can't, i'm stuck!

Curly.


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Curly
November 10, 2005, 7:43am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Hi again,

Just wanted to let you know that i have been thinking about your idea all night. I wanted a man's point of view. I was thinking maybe booking a hotel for the night and just leaving a note saying we'll be back tomorrow dont look for us. I keep thinking about it, it makes me nervous though. I've never done anything as drastic as that. It's just that my son has missed him but i thought if i tell him he phoned and wont be back unitl saturday it might be better. I feel really guilty doing that though and selfish, i'd be putting myself 1st.

My sister left my brother-in-law like that. She left him waiting for her to pick him up from work. We all wish we could have seen his face. He was a really nasty piece of work. Drinking, obbsesive behaviour, a complete idiot etc. Thanks, given me something to think about!

Curly.


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Curly
November 11, 2005, 10:37am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Hi,

Me again! Well he's back tonight and i still dont know what to do. Do i act as if nothing's wrong and try a fresh start or do i carry on not talking to him? Please, please help i just dont know what to do. I'm already getting really anxious. I've really enjoyed not having him around and have been really relaxed.

Why doesn't he realise that i just want to be quietly content. I am asking for a wild time or anything. I just want to feel relaxed in my own home. Where do i go from here? I've realised that i can't make him love me but to just get on would be good. I swear i wont bother you again but i just need to know what to do before he comes back.

Curly.


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NeilT
November 11, 2005, 8:57pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted Text
I've realised that i can't make him love me
What you say here, is more important than anythig else... To stick with a partner, for the sake of the children, well in an ideal world would be nice, but in the real word, it does not work out that way.
Do you love him?? if you do, and he does not then, I understand the pain, not a nice feeling, but you have bothe got to love each other, if things are to work out, if not you will be together for years, and grow even more apart... Hold your head up high, keep that chin up, and think about what I say..... believe me, I have been in the same boat as you..


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Elfi
November 13, 2005, 5:55pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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i stayed with my daughter`s father for 12 years...unhappy for about the last 6 of them.he was a very cold man. we both grew apart partly cos i was demanding attention and he couldnt give it.
now i am with my sons father,a man i thought was my soul mate.....he wants attention and guess what?...its not in me.
i know i have depression at the minute....that is definatley causing the lack of emotions in me. would your husband be depressed at all?
i now know that some-one craving attention can seem so much like a demanding child,to some-one who just wants to bury theyre head in the sand and imagine life as a calming oasis.



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MJB
December 6, 2005, 12:37pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Curly
Hi,

Me again! Well he's back tonight and i still dont know what to do. Do i act as if nothing's wrong and try a fresh start or do i carry on not talking to him? Please, please help i just dont know what to do. I'm already getting really anxious. I've really enjoyed not having him around and have been really relaxed.

Why doesn't he realise that i just want to be quietly content. I am asking for a wild time or anything. I just want to feel relaxed in my own home. Where do i go from here? I've realised that i can't make him love me but to just get on would be good. I swear i wont bother you again but i just need to know what to do before he comes back.

Curly.


Hi Curly  

Sorry I've not given any more feedback. I've been battling with my own issues for the past month and had no internet access - plus had to deal with my "troubles" so maybe me commenting now is too late.

You are very true is saying that you cannot make someone love you, but truthfully, would you really want to?

If he doesn't love you for who you are, then you should really think about walking away.

Life can be tough, but (luckily!) I've discovered from my own relationship that if you are rock solid and love each other enough you can - eventually - deal with ANYTHING that life throws at you.

Put yourself first now - all I seem to be seeing is you putting yourself second. Take charge of your life now - find your true happiness and take care  





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