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I don't know how t move on aftermy Grandma's death
August 19, 2018, 8:05am

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RUBY
September 3, 2006, 10:09pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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I am 17 years old. I need some advice .
It's just.....about 4 years ago now my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. I still am finding it difficult to come to terms with ....and I have a few questions that I really need help with.It's just I feel like I need to say goodbye outloud or write a poem or a letter and read it out to her...but I feel like I need to be at her grave (she was cremated...do cremated people have graves) or just where she was cremated. But if i say goodbye to her at the crematorium people will stare at me won't they?? What can I do? How can I say goodbye to her? My mum wouldn't let me go to her funeral....I really wish I had been allowed to go as I needed to say goobye.Do you have any ideas obout how I could say goodbye to her??

Also this might sound like a bit of an odd question but: I missed practiacally all of my secondary education due to circumstances in my life...therefore I don't really understand about religion. My question is:What does The Bible/Christianity say Heaven is like? Also (you may think this is a stupid question but...) do they give a good all-round general education in Religion in school (sorry if this is an obvious question...i just needed to be sure of how much I have missed)
Please help!!!!!!!! Also are the ashes of the cremated buried at a crematorium or scattered...if scattered then where e.g. a friend told me rose bushes   ????
  
Also (this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered (i know i'm too old for them really but.....) would it have been insulting to her memory if I'd continued to watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. What is the right thing to do with these? should I keep them or throw them away?After her death I stopped playing with them ...would it have been insulting to her memory to have continued playing with them after her death??? i just needed to ask.Please could you offer me any advice as I still REALLY miss her and feel like I can't move on.just i just don't know what to do anymore.
Also
we had made so many plans of stuff we'd do together and i had made so many dreams of things i'd
do in the future(with her by my side). but now she's dead i just don't know what to do.
Should I carry on with these dreams/plans/ambitions i'd made when she was alive and had
planned to do together, .......or should i give up on them now she's dead and find some new
dreams instead.Do you t hink it would be insulting to her memory to just carry on with
these dreams.......only now without her? Do you think she'd be offended?
What should I do? i just don't know what the right thing to do is.Is the right thing to do to give up on all these dreams/plans  that we had planned to do TOGETHER now that she's dead????can you offer me any advice please?

:                      :                  runaway
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NeilT
September 3, 2006, 10:23pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Welcome to the forum....

Death, and how to handle it is a difficult one, and one that each individual deals with in diffrent ways.

If you want to write a poem to say goodbye, then go for it, you are free to post it up here, or just read it out to your self.
People that are cremated do not have a "grave" but most cremetorions have places that you can go to, and no one will ever stare at you.

Heaven, well for most people this has a different meaning, heaven is what you believe it is. Even though you do not know much about religion, there is nothing to stop you visiting your local church or place of worship to seak advice, you will find a warm welcome.

For the gifts that you have got, well do not throw them away, put them in a box and keep them safe, they will one day be there for you to look at and have fond memories.

For the plans and dreams, only you can decide, and if they were good ones then go for them, but do it for you.

She will always be with you, even if just in spirt.... But talking about things will help.


"Thats The Way The Mop Flops"
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corky100
September 3, 2006, 10:47pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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My dad died just a couple of weeks ago, and I still don't know how to deal with it. Its an individual thing, and if if feels right to you, then it has to be the right thing, whatever you feel.




I am all the things I regret


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Stephanie -Angel Wings-
September 4, 2006, 4:27pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Hi Ruby,
             to me I think the best way to do it is by a letter or a poem. I wrote a poem for my mum and sometimes I look up to the stars and I talk to her as if she is still here, and I also tell her that I miss her and that I wish she was still here with me........I hope you are ok Ruby and I hope you find a way to help you through this.....Good Luck my friend and best of luck




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Karin c.
September 6, 2006, 9:45pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Hi Ruby, Stephanie is right you know  
It helps her to write about it so maybe it works the same for you
Good luck  


OrchestralManoeuvresin the Dark
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Even now i"m in love with you,
No matter what you put me through
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RUBY
September 9, 2006, 1:48am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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hi, can anyone offer me any advice?? I am  a teenager
.my Grandma died a while back and my parents would not let me go to her funeral. She was cremated. I have some questions of which I was wondering whether anyone could help me with:
It's just her ashes were put somewhere in the crematorium....that's all anyone will tell me...but i need to know: WHERE do they put ashes in a crematorium....WHAT surface in the crematorium do they scatter them upon e.g. grass? earth? sand?flowers?,etc....and do they scatter them all in exactly the same place??? WHAT ELSE HAPPENS TO ASHES? PLEASE CAN ANYONE TELL ME as I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO KNOW NOW.If ashes are buried in an urn......the is this urn ussually buried in the crematorium
.
Also I have another question:
(this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered is it have insulting to her memory to  continue to  watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. What is the right thing to do with these? should I keep them or throw them away?Would it be insulting to her memory if I were to carry on playing with them in the same way...after her death????
CAN ANYONE PLEASE OFFER ME ANY ADVICE???
                        
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RUBY
September 9, 2006, 1:53am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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hi, can anyone offer me any advice?? I am a teen.You see my Grandma died a while back and my parents would not let me go to her funeral. She was cremated. I have some questions of which I was wondering whether anyone could help me with:

It's just her ashes were put somewhere in the crematorium....that's all anyone will tell me...but i need to know: WHERE do they put ashes in a crematorium....WHAT surface in the crematorium do they scatter them upon e.g. grass? earth? sand? ,etc....and do they scatter them all in exactly the same place??? WHAT ELSE HAPPENS TO ASHES? PLEASE CAN ANYONE TELL ME as I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO KNOW NOW. If the ashes are buried in a urn......then is this urn ussually buried in a crematorium???????


Also (this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered is it have insulting to her memory to  continue to  watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. What is the right thing to do with these? should I keep them or throw them away?Would it be insulting to her memory if I were to carry on playing with them in the same way...after her death????
CAN ANYONE PLEASE OFFER ME ANY ADVICE
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RUBY
September 9, 2006, 2:15am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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[color=blue] I am a teenager. My Grandma died about 3+ years back now...and I still haven't come to terms with it.
I missed practically all of my secondary educationn.(due to circumstances too complicated to explain here).. therefore I also missed Religious Education? I don't understand/get where my Grandma went? Do you know how i can learn about Religion now? Do they run R.E GCSE classes at college?
[color=red]Also this might seem an obvious question (but just needed to check) but do they give a good all-round general education in R.E in secondary school
(sorry if this seems a stupid question)?? so if I had gone to school would I now understand where she might be?
I feel terriible...because i don't get where she is. what does the Bible/Christianity say Heaven is like by the way????I live in England
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NeilT
September 9, 2006, 8:52pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Sorry Ruby, I have merged the recent threads that you have made. You have gone ove the problems several times, so please reply to existing threads that you have started, and not start new ones on the same topic.

Thank you.


"Thats The Way The Mop Flops"
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RUBY
September 15, 2006, 10:14pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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please could you help!!!!

I desperately need some advice...you see about 4 years back now..my Grandmother of whom I was very close to died. I still can't come to terms with it....and need some help with some questions. Can anyone help?????


I have two cousins who live in Germany, only they used to fly over to England each
year and stay at Grandma's house for a few weeks during the holidays. I used to see them
then. Grandma was the one thing connecting us. However now that Grandma's died I don't
know what to do about them. I haven't been in contact with them properly since my
Grandma died.they can't stay over here in England anymore because my mum doesn't
like them...so won't let them stay over with us. they have only over to England once for
two days since Grandma died(they had to stay in a local B&B).
What should i do about them? what is the right thing to do? what is expected of me and
what would Grandma have wanted? should i keep in touch/have kept in touch with my cousins after Grandma's death?
also i am
worried because I was having problems coping at shool (I refused to go on-and-off for my
first two years in high school as i didn't want to move on after the death of Grandma and
also could not deal with the death of someone else of whom i was close to and sort of lost
control of my life a bit...then i ended up refusing to go to school altogether at the end of
my second year and ended up with 5 measly hours of home tuition per week forthe last
three years which should have been spent in school. I them failed all my GCSEs apart
from getting a D/C in English. I know i made a terrible mistake and i can't believe what I've
done but at the time I wasn't thinking logically about what i was doing as i was in a state
of severe depression.)and if i contact my cousins again they're going to ask about what i'm
studying and I'll have to explain why I'm on a low level college course.I feel like i can't
contact them because how on earth can i explain how I failed all my GCSEs and wouldn't
go to school. They're going to think I'm a bad person. and i cannot conceal it from them as
they are really well educated and will notice the huge gaps in my knowledge just by
talking to me. What should i do about them? Should I .....never speak to them ever again/avoid them? or tell them what i did ? if so the  what should I do if they think really really badly of me? Or should I....lie to them, and tell them that I passed my exams (this is what my parents want me to do) but they will be able to tell about my lack of education by my huge gaps in knowledge just by talking to me. What should I do about tham?
Also I don't think that i'll be able to visit Germany when i grow up since i am too uneducated...i don't know how to travel--or speak German.

.
Also(this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered (i know i'm too old for them really but.....) would it have been insulting to her memory if I'd continued to watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. Would it be insulting to her memory if I was to continue to play with these in the same way after her death?????????????????????


Also I missed practiacaly all of my secondary educationn... therefore I also missed Religious Education? I don't understand/get where my Grandma went? Do you know how i can learn about Religion now? Do they run R.E GCSE classes at college?
Also this might seem an obvious question (but just needed to check) but do they give a good all-round general education in R.E in school(sorry if this seems a stupid question)??
By the way what happens to the ashes of a cremated person?? I know her ashes are sprinkled in the Garden Of rememberence at the crematorium.  But WHERE do they sprinkle them? e.g. is it all in the same place? or would they have been spread about? And upon what surface are they spread on?
e.g. grass???  I'm sorry...it's just I honestly do not know.


Also I never got to speak to her before she died and was also never allowed to attend her funeral. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can say goodbye to her now???
This may sound odd...but I sort of wanted to go to the garden of Rememeberence where her ashes are and say goodbye out loud. Can I do this? Or is this not normal& would I likely get stared at? please be honest.if this is the case then have you got any other ideas as to how I can say goodbye?





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Sensoria
September 16, 2006, 8:57am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator
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Dear Ruby,

I think that your beloved Grandma would want you to continue your education in School / College as much as she would want you to keep a good contact to your cousins from Germany and maybe even try to visit them there, if somehow possible for you.

Of course you can still continue to watch Disney movies and play with your toys and model horses that your beloved Grandma once gave to you.
It's not at all insulting to her memory - rather the opposite of it!
Your beloved Grandma would be quite happy if you treasure the things that she gave to you also in the future.

It's much more important in life to be honest, than to be diplomatic, but for false reasons, if you just think that you have to pretend something that actually isn't so for real!
Please don't lie and simply be honest to your cousins!
If they dislike you for telling them the truth as it is, then they are not really good relatives.
Good relatives will understand your troubles and problems or at least try to do this.

It's never too late to get a good education and all that you might have missed in the past can also be done in the future - if you really want to do it!
So never give up on your education and especially not on people and life in general, dear Ruby, because I know that you are a good girl, as you spend a lot of time thinking about all the things that trouble you - as only good people do, because bad people simply don't care about it!

It's really sad that you haven't got the chance to say goodbye to your beloved Grandma, but you can still say goodbye to her as she'll always be with you - just look at the stars at night and the one that you can see shimmering the most at first sight is sending you its light as a sign that your beloved Grandma still watches you from above, dear Ruby!
One way to say goodbye to your beloved Grandma can be the way to talk to the stars at night, when you are alone and nobody sees or hears you.

You know, friends (and your beloved Grandma too) are like stars - even if they are long gone, their memory will always remain with you, just like the light of an already long gone star, whose light still reaches you for years to come!

I hope my words were of some help for you, dear Ruby.

...and always remember:

"The darker the skies, the brighter the stars."


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Stephanie -Angel Wings-
September 16, 2006, 9:01am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

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Like I said before, I think the best way is to write your feelings down of paper, like a poem or a letter. I'm sure she will be looking down from the stars and watching you. Hope this helps Ruby




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