First thing Nigel, you aren't failing. It isn't your fault, and its very common, especially as it feels as though you're both labelled. Its an unfair assumption, and an unnecessary one. The key is keeping up with him, keeping him occupied which, as you no doubt know, is not very easy! I don't claim to know what its like for you both, or even to be able to help, but You really shouldn't think its anyones fault or even that there should be any sort of stigma attached. Many accept it nowadays, and theres a lot of help.
I don't know if you know, but I work for one of the CVS voluntary services in Wirral (UKonline is just a project they are funded for) and we soon will be Wirral Wide with the other CVS services, and I'm sure that we will have people within who can advise or even help, and if you want me to, I can ask within to see what is available? I can't promise greatness but at least its worth a shot.
Also, heed the advice given above (and privately). I have found over the last couple of years that the best advice come through experience. Good luck mate.
I do realise that Olivers condition is not my fault or anyone elses fault, but sometimes when you are feeling down, or alone, you have these stupid ideas going through your head. I have actually given advice like this to another single parent recently, my replies were clear, concise and made sense, but now I am in this position, things don't always seem as "black and white" and therefore start questioning "am I doing everything I can?" or "What if I did this or that?" etc
This is probably the reason I made this post in the first place, I just needed the reasssurance from friends that I am doing the right things. There are a broad spectrum of careers held by the members of this forum ( I am just an engineer by trade, not a childcare expert), and any help or support has been very welcome.
I actually got referred to Wirral-Inroads (who had a UKOnline poster in their offices), by my lone parent advisor at the job centre. This was to get help with filling out forms about Olivers condition. I have to say, that they did a very good job, as they specialise in this type of work.
So once again, to everyone who has offered help and/or support to me, a great big.........
He is now 3 weeks into a 6 week trial of the drug Ritalin ( the main drug used to help children with ADHD). Despite my worries about this drug, it does seem to be working. It is having a positive effect on his school life. He now sits still and listens, has concentrated on role play for 7minutes + ( you used to be lucky to get just 1 minute). He is now interacting and playing nicely with his classmates. The feedback coming back from his teachers is like music to the ears.
The statementing to getting him into a special school is still going ahead as planned, it is up to a higher authority to make the final decision. Oliver still has 3 weeks of his Ritalin trial left to see how much m,ore progress he makes with his concentration, because he is still behind the rest of the class.
On a big positive with his schoolwork, he is in the top 6 in his class when it comes to reading, understanding, general knowledge and vocabulary. Not bad when he is in a class of 30.