You are visiting the Motion and Heart forums, the number one forums for fans of Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, AKA OMD


The Motion & Heart web site is run for free. But if you did want to make a donation to the running of this site, to help to cover the running cost, then you can now make a donation via Paypal, Cheque, Postal Order . It is quick and easy to to do, and you do not need to have a Paypal account to make a donation.

Motion & Heart Our Forum OMD Fan? OMD Event Donate Shop OMD Media Mailing List


I LOVE this Doctor......
May 25, 2018, 7:18am

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Motion And Heart Forum    :::: The Fun Section ::::    Got A Joke??  ›  I LOVE this Doctor...... Moderators: corky100
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

I LOVE this Doctor......  This thread currently has 1,860 views. Print Print Thread
1 Pages 1 Recommend Thread
MJB
July 23, 2009, 5:33pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

I was once a New Romantic, but never was a
Mod
Married & Happy
Posts: 16,849
Gender: Female
Posts Per Day: 3.23
Time Online: 27 days 14 hours 15 minutes
Location: Round The Bend.....
Age: 50
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is
this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken.. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one..
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!



Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!



Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a
Ride'


AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


  M    A    X    I    N    E  
Logged Offline
Private Message Private message
TheAviator
July 24, 2009, 11:38am Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

Firegun
Posts: 996
Gender: Male
Posts Per Day: 0.24
Time Online: 9 days 2 hours 10 minutes
Location: Skelmersdale
Heureux j'apprends à parler français


sic itur ad astra
Logged Offline
Private Message Private message Reply: 1 - 2
MJB
July 24, 2009, 8:12pm Report to Moderator Report to Moderator

I was once a New Romantic, but never was a
Mod
Married & Happy
Posts: 16,849
Gender: Female
Posts Per Day: 3.23
Time Online: 27 days 14 hours 15 minutes
Location: Round The Bend.....
Age: 50


  M    A    X    I    N    E  
Logged Offline
Private Message Private message Reply: 2 - 2
1 Pages 1 Recommend Thread
Print Print Thread

Motion And Heart Forum    :::: The Fun Section ::::    Got A Joke??  ›  I LOVE this Doctor......

Thread Rating
There is currently no rating for this thread
 


Powered by E-Blah Forum Software 10.3.6 © 2001-2008

Valid XHTML Valid CSS Sourceforge.net Powered by Perl